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SESSION 12 STEP 4 How It Works REVIEW

Grudge List – One Group Member’s Pocket Treatment

I read Step 4, pp. 64-71 in Alcoholics Anonymous to examine three of my blocks to my higher power: resentment, fear, and the harms done in my relationships / sex conduct. With practice, this inventory method takes me but a moment. I begin and end writing times with meditation / prayer. I list my assets too. My reasonable best is good enough.


1.) 1ST Working of Grudge List (64: 3-65: 2): We set them on paper. (64: 3)
A. First Column: WHO? “Who hurt or threatened me?” (64: 3)

• I list the names of people, places, and things that cause me to be angry, irritable, unreasonable, and discontented. I put them all down. At this time I do not say what they did, or why they bother me. I just make the list of who did it.
• First Column lesson: My head is full of resentments. There is no room for conscious contact with my higher power.

Grudge List (See example on page 65 of Big Book.)
First Column: Who?
Who hurt or threatened me?
Mr. Brown
B. Second Column: HOW? “How have they hurt or threatened me?” (65: 0)

• After I am done with the list of names of people, places, and things that make me irritable, unreasonable, and discontent, I am ready to fill in the Second Column. For each First Column name, I state simply how they hurt me, what happened, what they (or I) did that makes me feel the way I do.
• Second Column lesson: It is less who the person is and more how his/her behavior made me angry. May I begin forgiveness of myself and others here?

Grudge List
First Column: Who?
Who hurt or threatened me?
Second Column: How? How did they hurt me?
Mr. Brown
May get my job.
C. Third Column: WHAT? “What part of my Self was hurt or threatened, and that I reacted to?” (64: 3, 65: 1)

• Now for each event in the Second Column, I write down in the Third Column what parts of my Self were hurt or threatened by the person, place, or thing. I consider the ‘three S’s of Self’: Security (material and emotional), Self-esteem (fear for very existence), Sex (and relationship, companionship) instincts. Also the ‘actor’s roles’ I play. How do my own negative feelings and reactions, my own worn out defenses, affect me?
• Third Column lesson: What leads me to a drink is not who or how they hurt me, but the way I REACT to what part of myself that was threatened. My own reactions and my own thought-habits lead me to drink.

Grudge List
First Column: Who? Who Hurt or Threatened Me?
Second Column: How? How have they hurt me?
Third Column: What? What part of my Self was affected and that I reacted to?
Mr. Brown
May get my job.
Self-esteem (fear)
Security


2.) 2ND Working of Grudge List (65: 3-66: 2): WHY? “Why must I change?” Resentment is a waste of time. My anger leads to indignation and self-pity. I will drink again if I think this way. If I drink I will die spiritually, mentally, and physically.


3.) 3RD Working of Grudge List (66: 3-67: 1): WHEN? “When I am ready, what do I do?” They, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us. We avoid retaliation. (67: 0,1) Meditation / prayer. *


4.) 4TH Working of Grudge List (67: 2): WHERE? “Where am I responsible?” Disregard the other person involved entirely. (67: 2)

• Now that I have completed the three column chart, I ask myself: What have I done to cause myself to feel this way? When have I done this before?
• What did I do in my conduct in relationship to this person, place, or thing to cause me to feel irritable, unreasonable, and discontent? Do I have unreasonable expectations? Have I been acting out of fear? What am I afraid of? Do my own reactions lead me to be hurt and to hurt others? How old is my behavior?

• • Other Columns Lessons: What is my part?
    • Where was I selfish (self-absorbed)?
    • Where was I dishonest (believing my own lies, or not genuine)?
    • Where was I self-seeking (wanting to control or be controlled by someone else)? (67: 2)
    • Where was I frightened (where did reliance solely upon myself fail me)? (68: 1)
    • Where was I at fault (out of bounds, or missing the mark)?
    • What could I have done instead? (69: 1,3)
• Answers to these questions will help me find my character defects, shortcomings, and the exact nature of our wrongs that I will address in Step 5 (59: 2). [We learned that if we were seriously disturbed, our first need was to quiet that disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought caused it. 12&12, 47: 2]
• [OR: I may write about how these old worn out defenses blocked me from growing up and growing spiritually – false pride, perfectionism, being phony, selfishness, impatience, self-pity, resentments, intolerance, alibis, dishonest thinking, putting things off, guilt and shame, fear, taking things for granted, etc.]

STEP 4 TURNAROUNDSWILLING to change * MEDITATION / PRAYER:

• Anger: The one that hurt or threatened me is also a sick person. I deeply wish for them (and me) the same serenity and peace of mind that I would have for myself. God, of my understanding, save me from being hurt, threatened, insulted, or angry. How may I help them? (67: 0; 552: 1) (I say this for myself too)
• Fear: I pray that my fear be removed and my attention directed to being who you would have me be today. May thy will, not mine, be done. (68: 3)
• Relationship: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing.(70: 2)
• Willing to change: Today I may meditate, go to a meeting, talk with my sponsor to be more open to my higher power and less restless, irritable and discontent. Today I do not have to be hurt or to hurt myself, and I do not have to drink.

http://www.stepsbybigbook.net/

pp. 65-66