[bluidkiti]

December 8

Wisdom for Today

Early in my recovery process I had to learn some hard lessons. One of the more difficult lessons was acceptance. It was not hard to accept the fact that I was an addict and alcoholic. It was hard learning to accept everything else. There was plenty of evidence that I could not control my use of alcohol or drugs. There was plenty of evidence that it had messed up my life. Accepting my addiction was easy. Learning to accept all the demands of recovery was another story. Learning to accept that I could no longer run the show was not going to be easy. I think surrender is hard for us all.

But what was really hard to accept was learning to accept others and myself. I had spent years acting like I owned the world. I took what I wanted. I did what I wanted. I also had spent years feeling like I was the lowest form of slime on the bottom of the ocean. In recovery I had to learn how to accept myself for whom and what I was. I had to own all of me - the good, the bad and the ugly. There was an awful lot that I wanted to stay in denial about, but recovery would not let me do this. In order to accept myself, I would need to forgive myself for all the wrongs I had done. I also would have to stop acting like I was better than others or worse than others. I had to admit that I am just one drink away from a drunk, one fix away from getting wasted. I was no different than all the other drunks, junkies, cokers and freaks at the meetings. I was no better and no worse, just like others. Am I being accepting of others and myself?

Meditations of the Heart

Learning to accept oneself is not an easy process in recovery. However, when you look at yourself through God's eyes, it becomes much easier. After all, being pulled from the pit of despair and insanity, God must have His reasons for that. God must see something in me that I could not see in myself. He must see that I fit into His plan somehow. If God sees this in me, who am I to deny what He sees? The really difficult part is holding onto that vision of what God sees. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of life and forget about God's vision for me. This is why I take time each morning to focus on God's plan for me. This is why it is important to seek His direction, so that I may hold onto His vision for me. What do I see when I look in God's mirror?

Petitions for the Heart

God,
Sometimes I try to be something or someone I am not. Sometimes I lose sight of Your will for me, yet You continue to guide me back to the path I am supposed to be on. Certainly Your vision of me is not something that I easily comprehend. Help me to see glimpses of Your vision. Help me to see that I am worthwhile.
Amen.