[bluidkiti]

Big Book Study - Post #33

Good morning everyone!

Most of the comments on this chapter were written by my friend and
co-moderator Karen-

"Chapter 8 - To Wives" begins on page 104. There are some historical
facts that are very interesting. First, a trivia question: Who wrote
this chapter? Most of us would immediately think Lois Wilson or Dr.
Bob's wife, Anne Smith, but that wouldn't be correct.

Originally, Bill wanted Anne to write it. She had no interest in
doing so. (Yeah, RIGHT! I can see, in my mind's eye, Lois jumping up
and down saying "I'll do it! I'll do it!" and Bill saying "I don't
think so!") Bill decided that he would write it himself. (No control
issues there!)

Of course Al-Anon was formed in the early 1950's and became a
society standing separate from AA. As an historical aside, it is
interesting to note that spouses were very much involved with the
alcoholic in the context of meetings at the very early beginnings of
AA. This makes this chapter congruous when it is viewed from this
historical perspective.

Since we play the role of the alcoholic, we must look at this
chapter from that viewpoint. Here, we can examine the truth about
how our active alcoholism affected our friends, our loved ones, our
employers, our neighbors – or, to quote page 104, "nearly everyone
bound by ties of blood or affection." This chapter helps us see
ourselves while we were drinking through the eyes of others. It's
not very comfortable.

While studying this chapter, we may experience profound realizations
about how destructive our alcoholic behavior truly was. It is not
unusual to spot more amends that are owed. The chapter drives home
the realities and consequences of living selfishly. If we didn't get
the message in Chapter 5 (pages 60 to 63), then we get a second
chance to take a look at what it all means in Chapter 8. No
other illness destroys relationships as does alcoholism. Pages 104
through the top of 108 describe those realities and consequences in
detail.

From the bottom of page 108 through the middle of page 110 Bill
describes the "four husbands" illustrating the progression of the
disease. Then, on pages 110 through 114, practical suggestions are
offered to help these husbands.

Starting at the bottom of Page 114, the focus switches. Suggestions
are offered to spouses regarding their own character defects. One
paragraph on page 116 really stands out for me:

"We have elsewhere remarked how much better life is when lived on a
spiritual plane. If God can solve the age-old riddle of alcoholism,
He can solve your problems, too. We wives found that, like everybody
else, we were afflicted with pride, self-pity, vanity and all the
things which go to make up the self-centered person; and we were not
above selfishness or dishonesty. As our husbands began to apply
spiritual principles in their lives, we began to see the
desirability of doing so, too."

The following paragraph is perhaps the most important in the chapter:

"We never, never try to arrange a man's life so as to shield him from
temptation. The slightest disposition on your part to guide his
appointments or his affairs so he will not be tempted will be
noticed. Make him feel absolutely free to come and go as he likes.
This is important. If he gets drunk, don't blame yourself. God has
either removed your husband's liquor problem or He has not. If not,
it had better be found out right away. Then you and your husband
can get right down to fundamentals. If a repetition is to be
prevented, place the problem, along with everything else, in God's
hands."

For all of those who claim that there is no timeframe for doing the
steps - here is an intersting snippet: "We do not like the thought
that the contents of a book or the work of another alcoholic has
accomplished in a few weeks that for which we struggled for years."
From Paragraph 4 on Page 118. So the program is designed to work in
a few weeks? Not a step a year or "a long slow recovery" - it does
underscore that this process is meant to happen in a matter of *weeks
and months* - not years!

This is from page 120, last paragraph. It mirrors paragraphs 1 and 2
on page 101. Remember what we have discussed throughout this study --
Bill will repeat important ideas in order to reinforce them to the
reader. This is yet another example of this style of writing.

The chapters We Agnostics, To Wives, and To Employers all have
something in common: you don't have to BE ONE to benefit from what
is written!

With our next post we will continue with Chapter 9 - The Family
Afterward.

Have a great day!

Jim