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December 9

Wisdom for Today

Fear continued to interfere with my life even early in my recovery. This was not something that just disappeared when I stopped using. I needed to change this, and it meant that I had to discover something called courage. There was a problem though. I thought I didn't have any; or if I did, I certainly didn't know where to find it. Where would I find this, "Courage to change the things I can?" I had no idea. So I went to my sponsor and asked him, and I went to meetings and asked people there. I heard many different answers. I wasn't getting the easy answer I wanted. I was hoping it would happen if I did something, maybe if I worked the right step or said the right prayer. No such luck! Courage was not that easy.

Then one night I went to a meeting and blurted out the question, "What is courage?" There was this old-timer sitting across the room, who cleared his throat and said, "It is when you become willing to do something even though you are scared." At last! An answer that made sense! Courage was about willingness, not bravery or fearlessness. I could become willing to make the changes I needed to make. I knew that my Higher Power would help me. I knew that my sponsor and the fellowship would help me. Yes, I was scared to make the changes I needed to make - giving up people, places and things. I could even become willing to change my attitudes, behaviors and beliefs. I was scared to death of some of these changes but became willing to change anyway. I discovered the courage I needed already existed inside of me. I just had to find it. I also believe that this courage is a gift from none other than my Higher Power. Do I believe that I already have the courage I need inside of me?

Meditations for the Heart

Sometimes courage is needed immediately, and at other times much struggle must be given to find the willingness in the face of fear. One thing I learned quickly was that courage was an act of the heart. I could not think my way into courage. This was a problem, because the heart is filled with desire. Sometimes my heart wanted to run and hide from the truth or from need to change. Sometimes my heart desired to be lazy. And at other times it desired to avoid, manipulate or con my way out of the need for change. I do not know how to make the heart desire to be courageous. All I can say is that it becomes much easier knowing and trusting that God is right there with me. So, when I feel fear in my heart, I know it is time to talk to my Higher Power. Sometimes I have to talk to Him quickly to find the courage needed in the moment. Other times I must talk to Him often to find the courage to make it through the struggle. I have also learned that it is important not to give up, because often the courage comes when I feel the weakest. Do I know where to turn when I need to find courage?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Sometimes, I feel like my heart is all messed up. There are so many different messages I get because of my unhealthy desires. Help this day to seek after that which I know to be healthy, and give to me the courage I need along the way. Let me be watchful for the traps of the heart that can lead me backwards. Guide my steps with wisdom.
Amen