[bluidkiti]

December 3

Wisdom for Today

During the final months of my addiction, I became very trustless. I no longer trusted my friends. I no longer trusted my family. I certainly had plenty of evidence that I could no longer trust myself. I no longer could even trust my using to help me escape the insanity of my life. I felt all alone. Then it all came crashing down. I walked in the house only to be thrown out. I had nowhere to turn. I trusted no one. I had hit bottom.

I believe that every addict or alcoholic experiences some crisis that finally wakes him or her up. I was no different. I got into the fellowship. I stopped drinking and getting high. But the fear of trusting others and the fear of trusting myself did not go away. It had become a way of life. I'm not sure exactly when I decided to risk trusting again. Perhaps it was seeing others making it at meetings. Perhaps it was Divine intervention. Perhaps it was because I had no other choice. The risk I took was small. I asked for help; and to my surprise I was given not only help, but also friendship, encouragement and even trust. People started to trust me to come early and help set-up for meetings. I was asked to share my story. I was given trust even when I deserved none. Am I beginning to trust again?

Meditations for the Heart

When active in my addiction, I was a force for evil. I was dishonest. I had a false ego. I let fear run my life. I had unrealistic expectations. I became careless, and I trusted no one. All of these defects of character and more became pervasive in my life. They did not simply disappear because I stopped drinking and using. More work had to be done. My moral character had become twisted. I stopped the insanity, but I still needed to straighten up. In the Fourth Step I had to look at myself and see what I had become. I had to admit that much was broken. It was not an easy process to honestly and fearlessly inventory what I had become. Yet without this inventory I would not have known what my shortcomings were. This inventory allowed me to see what needed to change. It was not just my drinking and using that needed to change. I just had to stop drinking and using. I also needed to change. This is the miracle of recovery. It wasn't just changing the things I did; it was changing me from the inside out. I could not do this on my own, but I knew that my Higher Power would help me with this too. Am I willing to look for how I need to change who I am?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Taking inventory is hard work. When I look at myself, I do not like all that I see. Guide me to become the person You want me to become. I know that with your help, I will find the courage to change the things I can. Walk with me this day and show me the way to a new me.
Amen.