Quote:
Just watched a power point presentation and it said, "Make peace with your past so it won't screw up your present."
It was important to look at my past, acknowledge it in order to let it go.
They say, "What brings you to the door of recovery will take you back out if you don't deal with it." I have found this to be oh so true.
Some people say to forget it, that it is the past and this is the present. It is important to live in today, to live in the moment. What I needed to realize was that often my actions and thoughts of today are often a result of my past. When my past affects my today, I need to look to see if it needs changing.
For the most part, actions and thoughts prior to recovery are not contusive to serenity and peace in sobriety.
I tried to control my past. When I have to control it, it is already out of control. That control I had to turn over to my Higher Power.
When I was/or am needy, I got/get greedy and my drug of choice was/or is more. Even though I don't use the drugs of my past, I can often substitute things that seem to be healthier, and yet they all lead to the same soul sickness and can take me back to my drug of choice. i.e. food, work, computer, TV, etc.
It is so important to live in today, live in the moment. I can't, God can, Just for today, I choose to let Him.
September 2010
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What I didn't realize was that because of my using, I didn't properly grieve my past and didn't process things and didn't really know how to let them go. They say you have to feel something to let it go. How can you feel a feeling if you didn't know you felt it in the first place?
Our body remembers, our subconscious does, and there are a lot of hurts and feelings attached to many of our scars that go unnamed.
So much of my life was tuned out, numbed out, shut down, shut off, and it took a long time for me to thaw; and I even had to give myself permission to feel, let alone identify what I was feeling.
Was it was felt, then I could make peace with it. In order to do that, I had to accept it for what it was. The five As of change, becoming aware, admit, accept, action, and my attitude toward those feelings.
