Today's Thought -April

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April 16

He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how.

~Friedrich Nietzsche

Our sense of purpose in life is not fixed in concrete. It changes from youth through all the stages of life. Often in the transitions to a new growth stage we are most confused. In the chaotic life created by our own addictive or codependent thinking, all meaning collapses around us. At these times we wonder, "What is the point?" "Does anything really matter?"

We receive a why for our existence by participating in the whole of this world. We are sons, or fathers, or husbands, or brothers, or friends to very specific people - and to the rest of our community, extending to all of creation. Our sense of purpose may change when life circumstances change. We get married, for instance, and then say, "Now what?" Or a child is born, or a parent dies, or we become disabled. Each time we may be confronted again with the questions. Being open to contact with our world, keeping our barriers down so we stay in touch, restores our awareness of purpose.

May I continue to respond to the changing phases in life - and be open to the renewal of purpose that is here for me.

Today's reading is from the book Touchstones: A Book of Daily Meditations for Men*

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April 17

Using today’s tools

Are we becoming stuck in the "if onlys"? "If only I had more money." "If only I were more attractive." "If only my parents hadn't cramped my style." The "if onlys" will get us nowhere. We would do better to think about what we have to work with today.

Do we remember that we are fortunate just to be alive? Are we grateful that, one day at a time, we are clean and sober? Do we keep in mind that we have at our disposal the Twelve Step program and all its tools? When we dwell in the "if onlys," we get stuck in yesterday. But what we have to work with today are "today's tools," and if we use them well, we'll have no need for the "if onlys."

Am I using the tools I have today?

Higher Power, help me to recognize today's tools and to become willing to use them.

The tools I will use today are ...

Today's reading is from the book Day by Day: Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts*

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April 18

We’re Not Alone

I can't even describe my amazement when I began reading the AA Big Book after I finally accepted that I'm an alcoholic. There I was, reading Bill W.'s story written in 1935, and it was my story. Everything said back in the 1930s fits me today. It meant I wasn't alone. The people in the book made it through, which meant maybe I could make it. It gave me hope.

Then, in the VA residence facility and afterward at meetings in the community, I found other veterans in recovery going through the same things I was. For years, I thought I was the only one who felt this way, then I discovered men and women vets who had been to the same places and who had the same inner struggles I had.

One of the biggest things in the military is that there's not one mission that gets done by itself. It's a team effort. You win together, and you lose together. Same for recovery.

No matter how difficult the journey may be, I now know that I do not travel the road to recovery alone.

~Kenneth B., U.S. Air Force, 2001–2007

Today's reading is from the book Leave No One Behind: Daily meditations for Military Service Members and Veterans in Recovery*

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April 19

Reflection for the Day

What do we say to a person who has slipped, or one who calls for help? We can carry the message, if they're willing to listen; we can share our experience, strength, and hope. Perhaps the most important thing we can do, however, is to tell the person that we love him or her, that we're truly happy he or she is back, and that we want to help all we can. And we must mean it. Can I still "go to school" and continue to learn from the mistakes and adversities of others?
Today I Pray

May I always have enough love to welcome back to the group someone who has slipped. May I listen to that person's story of woe, humbly. For there, but for my Higher Power, go I. May I learn from others' mistakes and pray that I will not reenact them.
Today I Will Remember

Sobriety is never fail-safe.

Today's reading is from the book A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People*

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April 20

Letting go over and over: That's progress.

The first time we heard someone at a meeting say "Let go," we were confused. We had no idea what it meant or how to do it; even now, we forget on occasion. The people in our lives are special to us. And certainly for most of them, we want the very best. We've spent years trying to coach them. We've worried over their plights and relished their successes. We wonder how that can be wrong.

What we learn here is that prayers for loved ones are never wrong; however, trying to control, through any means, the thinking or the actions of anyone but ourselves is wrong. Letting go means letting others, those we love and those we barely know, do what they must. Every day we'll have hundreds of opportunities to practice letting go. We'll get calls we don't want to handle, we'll meet people we don't want to know, we'll face situations we fear to address. Letting go of the people and the outcomes will become easier in time. The greater our progress, the deeper our happiness.

Most things that happen today will be out of my control. If I let go of them right away, I'll experience many peaceful hours.

Today's reading is from the book A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance*

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April 21

How on the moment all changes!

~Edith Thomas

We've discarded old roles and habits; we've grown more confident and comfortable. Still, we don't always feel like celebrating. Fear, anger, sadness - when are we going to be free of "feeling bad"? We all struggle at times with negative feelings. They aren't right or wrong; we don't choose them, and we needn't judge or deny them. However, we can choose how we respond to our feelings.

When we're frightened or angry, we can acknowledge what we're experiencing; we don't have to condemn ourselves, act on our feelings, or cling to them. When sadness or grief arises, we can simply sit with our emotions, allowing ourselves to feel them fully. They won't overwhelm or destroy us; in fact, they will pass more quickly and easily than if we reject or stifle them.

Writing, drawing, or other forms of creative expression help us to sense our currents of feeling and allow them to flow through us. When we honor our feelings by greeting them and letting them pass, anger doesn't turn to rage or sadness to despair. Our spirits lighten. Others in our lives perceive that they, too, are safe to feel.

Today, it's safe for me to experience powerful feelings.

Today's reading is from the book Glad Day

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April 22

Lessons on the Job

Often, the spiritual and recovery lessons we're learning at work reflect the lessons we're learning in other areas of our life.

Often, the systems we're attracted to in our working life are similar to the systems in which we find ourselves living and loving. Those are the systems that reflect our issues and can help us learn our lessons.

Are we slowly learning to trust ourselves at work? How about at home? Are we slowly learning to take care of ourselves at work? How about at home? Are we slowly learning boundaries and self-esteem, overcoming fear, and dealing with feelings?

If we search back over our work history, we will probably see that it is a mirror of our issues, our growth. It most likely is now too.

For today, we can believe that we are right where we need to be - at home and at work.

Today, I will accept my present circumstances on the job. I will reflect on how what I am learning in my life applies to what I’m learning at work.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency*

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April 23

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

~Step Four of Alcoholics Anonymous

The moral inventory called for in the Fourth Step is more like a practical accounting than it is a listing of criminal accusations. The point of taking the Fourth Step is to assess the facts about ourselves and how we have lived our lives. It is to pin down the truth about who we are so we can make better judgments about who we might become.

When we take the Fourth Step, we are looking for recurring patterns of thought and behavior. In searching for the story behind our story, we try to uncover the sources of chronic trouble within ourselves. Many times, these attitudes and actions are well concealed under layers of rationalization and denial. It isn't easy to root them out and lay them on the table. It isn't easy to be fearless. But it's worth it.

The Fourth Step shines the light of truth through the clouds of inappropriate guilt and undeserved shame. Our willingness to face the negative also reveals our true merits, essential goodness, and numerous options - perhaps for the first time.

I now have enough self-worth to admit my character flaws.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children*

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April 24

Assume a virtue, if you have it not.

~William Shakespeare

Our recovery program tells us to "Act as if." If we wish we had more faith, we will act as if we had it and see what happens. If we wish we were more honest, we will tell the truth and see what happens. If we wish we were brave, we will take the actions a brave person would take and see what happens.

Face it. Few of us are as good, kind, brave, generous, honest, and loyal as we would like to be. But the way we become who we want to be is simple. First think about how we will act in a difficult situation, then do it. In the beginning, it feels a little phony, but that's okay. Our program also says it's a good thing to "Fake it 'til you make it." Hey, we can do that! We can't remake ourselves and fix everything all at once, but we can fake it a little. We can act like a kind person. We can do what a brave person would do. We can say what an honest person would say.

Let’s just call it practicing the program.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me recognize times to practice "Acting as if" today. Help me act as if I were already the kind of person I hope to be some day.
Today's Action

I will be aware today of the chances to act the way I would like to act instead of the way I am used to acting. I will write a sentence or two about what I learned.

Today's reading is from the book God Grant Me: More Daily Meditations from the Authors of Keep It Simple*

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April 25

There is luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel no one else has a right to blame us.

~Oscar Wilde

Just as we don't have the right to judge someone else, we don't have the right to judge ourselves. Our addictive script in the past was that when we did something we felt ashamed of, we judged ourselves guilty. All too often, we then punished ourselves.

Was that behavior an expression of our shame and sadness because we're addicts? Punishing ourselves won't stop the addiction; loving ourselves will.

We are grateful that our recovery has taught us the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt lets us feel remorse and sadness when our actions violate our values. Guilt helps us know when we've acted badly. But shame leaves us hopeless. To give in to shame and self-hatred only harms us and intensifies the power of the addiction. There is a better way, and that's to learn to love ourselves.

Higher Power, please step in when I feel the urge to take things out on myself. May your love for me teach me to love myself instead.

Today's reading is from the book Answers in the Heart

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April 26

Avoiding Gossip

Tale-bearers are as bad as the tale-makers.

~Richard Sheridan

What we talk about, not whom we talk about, is one of the ways we place principle above personalities and practice our Twelfth Tradition. At meetings and over coffee, it's tempting to pass along things we hear about other people who share our recovery.

Before we gossip or find fault with others, wise members teach us to ask ourselves three questions: "Is it true? Is it kind? Is telling it important to help someone’s recovery?" If we can't say yes to each question, we mustn't repeat it. If a single word from us hurts someone else, our guilt could throw us back into addiction. Our gossip could cause someone else to lose faith in the program, and throw them back into addiction.

I will not gossip. Let me talk about principles, not personalities.

Today's reading is from the book Easy Does It: A Book of Daily Twelve Step Meditations*

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April 27

When you pray for anyone you tend to modify your personal attitude toward him.

~Norman Vincent Peale

We experience a wonderful transformation in attitude each time we, with God's help, suppress our ego and ask for God's blessings on someone we envy, fear, or simply don't like. Any action we take out of genuine concern for someone else's well-being will heighten our own - many times over.

Praying may be troublesome for some of us. But as we've learned the value of Acting As If in other instances, we can do so with praying, too. There is no formula for praying. Each attempt to speak to God is a prayer, one that God hears. Each loving thought we have toward someone near or far can be considered a prayer. We can pray in the midst of a crowd, at supper with family, lying in bed, or on our knees. With practice, prayer becomes easier. Through prayer, life becomes easier, too.

I will look at my attitude toward someone I'm having trouble with and work on changing it today, through prayer.

Today's reading is from the book In God's Care: Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery*

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April 28

To stop behaving in a certain way is to risk the unfamiliar.

~Jan Lloyd

Old patterns grip us so tightly! Even when the behavior pinches us painfully, we are loath to give it up. Its familiarity makes it tolerable, knowable, somewhat manageable, and far less scary than trying something new. However, we are truly the luckiest women alive, because now we have a training ground where it is safe to try new behaviors. We can discard old, self-defeating patterns in the safe environment of these Twelve Steps.

We are on this recovery path because each of us wants a new life. We have grown sick and tired of the old ways that no longer work. And we have come to believe that change is possible if we look for it in the right place. This is the right place! At any meeting we can see other women who, like us, are trying on new behaviors and meeting with success. We are role models for one another, and every time one of us tries a new response to an old situation, we are all heartened and stretched a bit. We know that what another can do, we can do too.

I am in the right place today to let go of the old and try the new. My support is all around me. I will not fear.

Today's reading is from the book A Woman's Spirit: More meditations for Women*

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April 29

Thought is action in rehearsal.

~Sigmund Freud

We sometimes indulge ourselves in fantasies and images of things we would like to do, or in euphoric recall of what we did in the past. Thoughts are powerful forces, and the ways we use them will shape our development. An Olympic diver creates vivid images of the perfect dive in his mind as part of his training because his thoughts help him perform at the crucial moment. Even in recovery, we are sometimes tempted to revisit former ecstatic moments from our using days, or to dream about a return to using but with better control the next time. We need to keep in mind that these thoughts serve as rehearsals for later action. They only weaken our recovery.

What kind of thoughts shall we cultivate in our minds? We can picture ourselves feeling relaxed and peaceful, having the craving lifted from us. We can picture ourselves maintaining a serene detachment while confronted with crisis. We can picture a situation with a loved one in which we say what we need to say and feel good about staying true to ourselves. This is the way to use our minds to rehearse for future action.

Today, I will hold an image of myself feeling relaxed and safe, even in the midst of confusion around me.

Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones: More Daily Meditations for Men*

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April 30

AA Thought for the Day

I’ve noticed that the ones who do the most for AA are not in the habit of boasting about it. The danger of building myself up too much is that, if I do, I’m in danger of having a fall. That pattern of thought goes with drinking. If one side of a boat gets too far up out of the water, it's liable to tip over. Building myself up and drinking go together. One leads to the other. So if I'm going to stay sober, I've got to keep small. Have I got the right perspective on myself?
Meditation for the Day

The way sometimes seems long and weary. So many people today are weary. The weariness of others must often be shared by me. The weary and the heavy-laden, when they come to me, should be helped to find the rest that I have found. There is only one sure cure for world-weariness and that is turning to spiritual things. In order to help bring about the turning of the weary world to God, I must dare to suffer, dare to conquer selfishness in myself, and dare to be filled with spiritual peace in the face of all the weariness of the world.
Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be a help to discouraged people. I pray that I may have the courage to help bring about what the weary world needs but does not know how to get.

Today's reading is from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day: A Spiritual Resource with Practical Applications for Daily Life*