Wisdom For Today - December

[bluidkiti]

December 16

Wisdom for Today

“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory.” When I got to the Fourth Step and read these words, I felt lost. I really didn’t know where to begin or how to go about it; but being the good addict I was, I started by looking for the easier, softer way. I thought to myself, “What’s so hard about admitting I’m a screw up?” I thought that was all there was to it, but my sponsor told me otherwise. He began to explain the process to me, and how I would need to write out this inventory. He told me that I would have to turn over every rock and see if there was any dirt under it. He told me there were many different Fourth Step guides, but the process was essentially the same. Suddenly I was no longer lost, but I was scared. I knew there was a lot of dirt under all those rocks.

My sponsor helped me decide on which Fourth Step guide I would use; and then he suggested I spend a week in prayer asking for courage, strength and guidance before I began to write out this inventory. I was glad that my sponsor knew me so well. So I began the process of getting ready to complete this inventory. Uncovering all that I wished to keep hidden was not easy. Honestly facing all that I had done while drinking and drugging was very difficult, yet at the same time it was healing. When I got into this written inventory I was surprised to see some patterns of behavior, beliefs and errors in judgment. I could see how I hurt others and myself, all the anger and rage that I was sitting on and all the losses. It was not a pretty picture. Do I see that I am only as sick as my secrets?

Meditations for the Heart

In reality I didn’t want to do this inventory, but I knew that it needed to be done. Everything inside of me wanted nothing to do with this process. However, it was not up to me to decide this. I had to follow what my Higher Power’s will directed me to do. Just like a child who hasn’t cleaned his room and is made to clean it up, I knew my Higher Power expected me to clean house. In that week before I began to work on this inventory, I also found that my Higher Power would give me what I needed to help me through the process. It continues to amaze me that I rarely get what I want, but always get what I need. What surprised me even more was how I felt when I turned around and saw that my room was all picked up. Do I believe that my Higher Power will give me what I need?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Taking inventory is not an easy process and is something that I would prefer not to do. Nobody likes to clean up a mess, especially me. Still I know that this is what You want me to do. So I ask You this day to remove any fear I may have. I ask You to help me to uncover all the secrets that keep me sick. Give me courage so that I might be responsible and clean every room, even the closets in my house.
Amen.