Wisdom For Today - December

[bluidkiti]

December 11

Wisdom for Today

Another defect of character that I had to watch out for was inequality -- thinking that I was better than others or worse than others. Closely related was grandiosity, pretending that I was king of the world and all-powerful, in many ways pretending that I was god. This grandiosity also made me think that other people owed me. When I was actively drinking and using, I felt as if others should give me whatever I wanted. If I turned them on, I acted like I owned these individuals. This was particularly true of the women I dated. But even with my best using buddies, if I turned them on, I would act like I was king. I expected something in return. Even early in recovery I found myself judging others, looking for their faults, so that I could feel better about myself.

On the other hand there was shame, an attitude about myself that told me that I was a damaged product. I was less than others. Shame was pervasive in my belief system and had me convinced that I was a real loser. I was not worthy of anyone's care or concern. This was particularly true in my relationship with God. How could a Higher Power possibly care about someone as worthless as I was? In recovery it became necessary to learn about equality, that I was not better and no worse than anyone else. I was just like everyone else. I was human, capable of great mistakes, capable of great success. Regardless of success or failure, I was still a worthwhile human being. I needed to change my belief system and see that God cared about me not because I was worthy, but simply because He chooses to care about me - the good, the bad and the ugly. Am I making progress with equality?

Meditations for the Heart

The program is a fellowship of hope. This is not a hope that is overly optimistic and looks at the world through rose-colored glasses. It also is not a hope that is pessimistic that is doomed to fail. It is a fellowship of hope that is real and genuine. Ask those individuals who are making it about hope, and they respond, "Hope is the free gift of God that comes through surrender." It is not the profound success that people have in the program that gives us hope, nor is it the failures we experience that makes us turn to this hope. Hope is simply a free gift we receive that is most definitely real. Hope fills our hearts and strengthens us for the new day. Hope fills our hearts and brings both comfort and serenity. Hope brings security, and hope allows for each new breath. This is not something we receive in isolation, but it is given to us freely through our participation in the program. Have I found this gift called hope?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Each day I am presented with the temptation to see myself as better than others or worse than others. Help this day to fight this temptation and to see myself as You see me, for I know that You see me as Your child, equal and worthy. Let me grab onto this thing called hope and not let go, for in You and in following Your will I am given this gift - not because of my success or my failure, but simply because You choose to give this to me freely.
Amen.